Since sports have become completely corrupted by wokeness and leftardism, I've decided to rebrand some of the teams based upon their city affiliation.
When I think of the team name Texans, I think of a team that is tough, smart, and gritty - which is great for a football team. It doesn't surprise me that most teams aren't named after the cities or states that they represent. It would send absolutely the wrong image.
The Seattles: A bunch of skinny, femme, espresso sipping hipsters who have 18 whiny representatives on the rules committee trying to eliminate the inherent 'violence' in football.
The Arizonas: A very eclectic team made up of really old players, transcendental seekers of wisdom, and those of questionable American citizenship.
The San Franciscos: A team much like the Seattles except half the team is made up of very masculine women (particularly on the D-line) and really feminine men in the skill positions.
The Wisconsins: The flannel clad, bearded Wisconsins are a force to be reckoned with. Typically, not fastest or most nimble team in the league, they win with size and brute strength. Unfortunately, the Wisconsins consistently lose several of their key November games as the entire team heads to the woods for the opening of deer season.
The DCs: This team rarely takes the field as the offense never speaks to the defense, the line doesn't communicate with the QB and the receivers feel discriminated against because they are underrepresented in team meetings. When they do manage to field a team, they are beset by delay of game penalties as their play calling scheme is insanely complicated and no one takes accountability for ensuring the quality or timeliness of the plays being called.
The Utahs: These guys are probably the nicest team in the league. They spend many hours of off-field time and personal resources doing charitable work, follow the rules scrupulously (even if its to their own detriment) and even get pre-game haircuts to project the proper team image. However, as talented and nice as they are, they only win 2 or 3 games per year because they don't play on Sundays.
The Chicagos: This team is one of the most feared in the league. They are known for their rule breaking and unethical on and off field tactics. Star players on opposing teams hire private security in the days and weeks prior to playing the Chicagos as they have been known to hire union strongmen to threaten or injure opponents and their families. They have little talent but win by intimidation and complete disregard for the rules of the game.
The Wisconsins: The flannel clad, bearded Wisconsins are a force to be reckoned with. Typically, not fastest or most nimble team in the league, they win with size and brute strength. Unfortunately, the Wisconsins consistently lose several of their key November games as the entire team heads to the woods for the opening of deer season.
The DCs: This team rarely takes the field as the offense never speaks to the defense, the line doesn't communicate with the QB and the receivers feel discriminated against because they are underrepresented in team meetings. When they do manage to field a team, they are beset by delay of game penalties as their play calling scheme is insanely complicated and no one takes accountability for ensuring the quality or timeliness of the plays being called.
The Utahs: These guys are probably the nicest team in the league. They spend many hours of off-field time and personal resources doing charitable work, follow the rules scrupulously (even if its to their own detriment) and even get pre-game haircuts to project the proper team image. However, as talented and nice as they are, they only win 2 or 3 games per year because they don't play on Sundays.
The Chicagos: This team is one of the most feared in the league. They are known for their rule breaking and unethical on and off field tactics. Star players on opposing teams hire private security in the days and weeks prior to playing the Chicagos as they have been known to hire union strongmen to threaten or injure opponents and their families. They have little talent but win by intimidation and complete disregard for the rules of the game.
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